I don’t know why, but the holidays are always hard. I suppose it’s something about the fact that everyone is together, my parents have each other, my cousins all get along, but I feel like…I’m trapped. I just…people keep telling me that there is someone out there for me and that someday I will wake up in bed with the love of my life, and I will have kids to spoil at Christmas, and everything will be okay, and then I will wonder why I ever wondered if I would be happy, but it seems so far away right now. I mean every Christmas, I would hide in a room in the back of the house from all of my relatives, and just wait for the day to be over, but I just…Christmas isn’t supposed to be like this. It is supposed to be happy, and full of laughter, and comfort, and…it isn’t like that for me. Every Christmas, I find myself smothered…I’m the broken one. I’m the one who everyone dreads coming to holidays, I don’t want to be that person anymore. I want to live a life that I enjoy, I want someone to want to see me. I’ve never had anyone fall in love with me, and I just…I WANT that.
It’s not even really the holidays, it’s just…I’m tired of being alone. I want someone to want to spend the rest of his life with me. No one has ever felt like that toward me before. I just feel like lately, no one wants me around. I suppose it’s just a lot of stuff all mixed together, and all hitting me in the stomach together, and I’m just…sick of it.