I blame it on the fact that I am Anal-Retentive. Big-time. I googled “anal-retentive” and had to laugh at the results – almost every one fit me to a T! I like being orderly. (Just look at the way I’ve organized my website.) I like things “a certain way”. Actually, I like a lot of things a certain way; however, I find this to be a POSITIVE more than a negative. In fact, this trait has served me very well professionally (Administrative Assistant, Programmer, Web Developer). But it can cause problems in relationships – especially personal ones.
Non-decorative clutter drives me nuts. I cannot see a picture hanging at an angle without feeling compelled to “right it”. Beds have to be made with hospital corners (my Mom was a nurse) and the covers have to be evenly distributed so that one side doesn’t hang lower than the other. By why stop there? I like cupboards and cabinets organized according to items (cans of food by content, spices by type, etc.). I prefer matching bed lines (Following my color scheme – no blue/red or yellow/green just because that’s what was on sale. I’ll wait for what I want.) and coordinating towels in the bathroom (Or at least come close: grey & black as opposed to orange, black, and blue). The household budget has be on point down to the penny. Clothes are hung-up according to type (skirts, pants, dresses, short tops, long tops, etc.). Need I continue?
I believe this anal-retentiveness colors what I expect of others. After all, why wouldn’t everyone:
1. Make sure paperwork is filed correctly
2. Ensure every expenditure is backed-up and the bottom-line is spot-on
3. Complete assigned tasks on time and in the proper manner
4. Neatly fold/hang their clothes
5. Clean-up their messes (so someone else doesn’t have to)
6. Respect other people’s property
7. etc, etc, etc
If you’re living (or working) with people who are the antithesis of YOU this can be particularly vexing. Particularly vexing.
In the last two years I have had to face the fact that this household lives by their own set of principles. (I moved here so it’s natural that I should be the one to change.) What this has to do with my expectations of others comes down to this: They are not me just as I am not them. I have started reminding myself of this each time I get annoyed or impatient with the actions/reactions of others…and I make personal adjustments, as necessary. For example:
1. I hand-wash my good clothes, and machine-wash my laundry separately so they don’t become covered with lint and dog hair (because there is no dryer).
2. I have learned to share a closet located in another bedroom in the back of the house. (Although my things are still arranged neatly…)
3. I keep my personal toiletries to a minimum in the bathroom (Stashing the rest under the sink and in the hall closet.) so they don’t get used accidentally.
4. I have trained myself to stop needing things to be clean in every corner of the house.
Further reading:
Why You Should Stop Expecting Others To Be Who They’re Not
5 Keys to Establishing Meaningful and Fruitful Connections in the Workplace (These can be applied to your personal relationships, too.)
The Psychology of Expectations
Stop Expecting Others to Act the Way You Want Them To
7 Things You Should Stop Expecting from Others
*******************************************************************************************************************
“Expectations are premeditated resentments.”
“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” – Bruce Lee
“I do my thing and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, And you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful. If not, it can’t be helped.” – Fritz Perls, “Gestalt Therapy Verbatim,” 1969