Am I OK 

My favorite question for the last two years!! Honestly does it even mather what I say? I could lie and say yes but we all know it’s not true. .. However the truth I’m not and haven’t been for a long time doesn’t seem to matter not like it ever had in the first place… 

I’m tired though of it always hurting and listening to people tell me how to fix myself… I’ve tried to do a list of things that all made no difference.  I just want to wake up tomorrow and not remember I want everything to not matter to me as much as it does to everyone around me. I want to forget how much it hurts. 

I can’t fake a smile anymore to help others feel better. . I just want to curl in ball under a blanket tucked far back in a corner and cry for everything and nothing all at the same time.  I want to break everything around me and burn the trailer down but alas I know this won’t help. .. so I’ll just cry but no more to just myself and if they have a hard time with it then they can go away I am fine being alone I feel alone anyways. .. 

I know they don’t like me but I’m far past needing help feeling worse about myself and my fucked up life! !