Getting Through

How else do you get through life except to actually just go through it I guess, even when it’s really hard.

I had the same therapist for 22 years. And now I know that sounds kind of weird. For the longest time, I didn’t. About 2 years ago I started to realize that maybe that wasn’t normal, that maybe that therapist had crossed some boundaries that he shouldn’t have. Not that he hadn’t been helpful, he had, in a lot of ways, but there were other things that maybe weren’t so professional, and as I got healthier I could see those not so healthy things. And when I saw those not so healthy things, I talked to my psychiatrist who prescribes my medications, and she helped me break ties with that therapist, and find a new one.

I really liked the new therapist – we clicked right away and I felt like I could really talk to her. She had a different approach and she helped me process the weird stuff from my old therapist and move forward and make new progress. I’ve been seeing her for about 2 years and then yesterday she told me she was leaving the practice and couldn’t be my therapist anymore and it felt like a punch in the gut. It was a virtual appointment, and I couldn’t even finish the appointment. It’s stupid, but I started to cry and didn’t want her to see, so I just ended the call. Why did I even trust her with so much so fast? People leave all the time and it’s like I totally forgot that.

And now I feel like I’m floating in crisis/dissociation mode without any help, but really, what else can I do, but just get through each hour?

The best thing that’s happened since the last time I was here was I adopted a cat. I brought her home when she was 10 years old and now she’s 13. She has special needs – lots of health issues, but so do I, so we’re a really good match. Because of my health problems, I am able to give my cat all her meds, injections, and treatments at home because they are similar to the things I have to do for my own health.

My cat is pretty much the reason I can get up every morning. Nothing like a hungry cat meowing at you and wanting breakfast to get you out of bed every day.

I’ve had some people say I should just put her down because of her health issues. She saw the vet today and we always go over her quality of life and both her vet and I agree she’s not ready yet. She’ll let me know when she is though, and then I’ll have to honor her wishes. I dread that day, but for now, I have to enjoy every minute with her because that cat is my soul.