Precarious Situation

My name is Jason and I had actualy joined this site a few years back but my regular Email got flooded with spam when I made the mistake of entering some online sweepstakes nonsense. Live and learn I guess.

  I am currently living in an emotionally abusive situation with my twin brother. For ten years I have tried to no avail to secure long term transportation for various things like shopping, Dr. appointments, getting to a dentist or a place with security that I may go for walks. Our local park had drug dealers there so I don’t want to go there. The problem with transportation in my area and I mean no offense about this, they seem to only service senior citizens but never take into account someone may be slow in some areas of their mind and simply cannot drive a vehicle. I have never been able to drive. In order to do so they would have to invent a car where my brain can sense the outside environment and be able to see all the blind spots. It always feels like I’m a living brain in a iron body when I am inside a car and I don’t understand how people can operate one with not much external sensory input so it will forever remain a mystery to me. Plus I get confused at crossing traffic. It becomes a moving maze to me and it’s difficult to know what a driver will do. Not all cars stop at cross walks for pedestrians so it’s like a gamble. When walking in traffic I never like to be the one out in front. I follow behind my twin, when and if I can keep up. I had to ” use” a few strangers at times in order to cross but it leaves me and them feeling uncomfortable.

My twin over time has become more and more oppressively abusive and yet I cannot live on my own. My dream is to one day become a graphic novel artist and make enough money to hire people that have sound credentials. Like drivers, a person I can talk to about everyday things, sometimes even just small talk. I cannot have that with my twin brother. The following will be an example and it is the most petty vile and stupid thing I ever heard some one arguing about.

My brother was sitting at the computer when I was walking by and he asked me. ” Do you remember that movie about a mummy that Tom Hanks was in not to long ago?” A psychologist has suggested that I have some memory issues but it is undiagnosed as of yet. But I tried to think of what movies I may had seen with Tom Hanks and their were a few movies about mummies that were in the back of my mind but they didn’t star Tom Hanks. I remembered a movie made in the 1930’s and one with Branden Frashier if I even got his name right. And the name Tom fit some how. But I couldn’t remember anything more about it. So I asked him ” Are you sure you got the right actor?” and he immediate started verbally attacking me with ferocious venom in his voice. ” You know who I’m talking about! I just got confused with Tom Hanks and Tom Cruise!” It was almost like the reaction a small spoiled child would have. And I told him ” No I would never make fun about memory issues because I feel that I to forget or get things mixed up” But he wasn’t having it and proceeded to accuse me of using his poor memory against him. The argument turned into a screaming match. Even the next day he argued and was screaming about it again. I have mild cerebral palsy so I would never win in a fight but to be honest I wish at that time I had been able to punch him clean out. No man wants to be talked down like this and for two days??!!! I thought I was going to have a heart attack in the car. I am prone to afib, a heart condition and he triggered my suicidal depression and I stayed suicidal for a week. I needed to just be some wheres safe but without transportation I cannot get away, even for awhile when I desperately need to. I can sometimes feel my hopes and dreams slipping away Working on my art makes me very happy and I would love to go on long walks in an area where their are no drug dealers.